I began this account of my existence because I spent so long fighting to leave no remnants of my having existed. Why? Perhaps because while I won’t let my fear of heights or silly matters of easily identifiable fear (& such) stop me from doing/trying ANYTHING this whole time it was my subconscious fear that kept me locked in a stable aka mindless job. In the meantime my longing for career and excitement and happiness nestled at the bottom of my priority list. Since I am being honest with myself, I would say I feared fitting into a box (hence my anti-facebook soapbox)+besides it sucks you and spits out the rinds of what used to be friendships/relationships/trust etc. I feared not being just right, saying doing the wrong thing. Guilt over a time in my life when I did do what made me happy while ignoring and deeply hurting the ppl I love and turns out being very self-destructive. All of the time very aware of how these are basic stuggles. But posessing the knowledge does not matter if u dont know what to do with it.
